i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
