I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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