i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
