I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
