i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
