can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
