Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
