Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
