so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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