My sheets look like a crime scene.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
