oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
