oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize