wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
