Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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