you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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