The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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