someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
