Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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