Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
