i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
