tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize