If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
