My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
