I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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