Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
