nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
