I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
