u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
