Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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