Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
