I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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