idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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