erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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