I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
