I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
