I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
