I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My dick has a subreddit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize