Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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