Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
