Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you would pick up someone in the library
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
