do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
