i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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