I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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