I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
