Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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