remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
