If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
