Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
