So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
