We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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