i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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