he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize