Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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