Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
