i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
