Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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