the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
