this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
