Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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