You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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