It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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