Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
