Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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