The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
