why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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