Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
