Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
