Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
