I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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