what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
