I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize