is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
