YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
