hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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